Hi Everyone, This is Hank. I’m seeing a lot of Back to School lists being passed around out there and I thought I better stop the madness and put together the Official Back 2 School List.
So stop buying those #2 pencils and run out and get what your kid really needs for school:
1- Water Bottle. Now, this seems practical for a few reasons. It gets warm and we need to stay hydrated or so adults tell us every twenty minutes. The REAL reason we need it is for creating epic water fights. Personally I choose the Omega Water Bottle Blaster that holds two gallons of ice cold water, complete with detachable sprayer.
2- Paper. A given right? Wrong. Too many kids show up on the first day of school without near enough p
aper. Sure, they would have plenty if we were just using the stuff to take notes on what the teacher is saying, but let’s be real. Paper has two main purposes for us kids, drawing sketches of what are teacher really looks like and creating awesome paper airplanes. Isaac once made a paper airplane capable of flying across the entire playground. We have contacted the appropriate authorities to ensure it is recorded in the book of world records.
3- Gum. Lots and lots of gum. Gum can be used in exactly 1,342 situations at school. I won’t list them all here, but one of the most notable is using it as an adhesive when building paper airplanes. That and protecting against bad breath. In 2nd grade there was a kid in our class named Shawn. He ran out of gum on the third day of school. Needless to say he went the remainder of the school year being called Stanky Breath Shawn or SBS for short. It could have been so easily avoided, but his parents followed the incorrect Back to School list and he didn’t have near enough gum.
4 – Straws. It breaks my heart to say this, but Spitball use had declined by 33% in the past two years. The main reason, lack of straws in the school room. I feel it is our duty, nay our obligation to put an end to the tragic decline of the Spitball.
I’ll end with #5. The most important item every kid must have when returning to horror that is named school. Back Pack. Yes, yes I know this is on EVERY Back 2 School list ever created, but the error is thinking ANY back pack will do. It’s about 
I hope this list makes it into the hands of every parent, grandparent, and child out there. I’ve seen too many Back 2 Schoolers ushered to certain doom by a parent holding the wrong list and if I’ve saved just one child here today, than it was worth it.
A Worm Named Hank 